Who Are You and What's Your Story?
“Tell me about yourself.” ”Who are you?” “Why should we consider you for this?”
Have you been asked these questions before? Most of us have.
Do you have a standard response? Most of us do. Yet, that efficient reply may continue to miss the mark, only allowing us to ‘check the box’.
As I inventoried the kinds of responses I made, they fell into demographic and historical. In neither case did they take the context of the conversation into account nor the possible interests or concerns of the person asking. What a missed opportunity.
It begs deeper questions: Who am I, and according to whom? Towards the beginning (aka when I was young), I was told who I was, how I was, what was possible, what I could do to fit in and behave correctly. Who told me? Parents. Teachers. Clergy. Peers.
For the sake of belonging and fitting in, and for fear of becoming disconnected, with all that implied, I conformed. Sound familiar? And my ways of getting things done and managing relationships tended to be fear-based: I controlled, protected, and complied. Those strategies worked to some extent but not without unintended consequences.
I tended to rehearse various stories told to me, about me, from the people around me. Some I accepted. Some I resisted. Taken together, some were even incoherent and inconsistent with each other, yet I rehearsed them, believed them (more or less), and acted in ways consistent with them – my own self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. This negative internal chatter can be characterized as the hum of the machinery, gremlins, even a poisonous parrot. You get the picture. It was neither pretty nor positive.
At some point, I began to consider, and then author, more affirming stories about who I was and even what I could accomplish. Some of these stories came from new people in my life, people who related to me positively, appreciating and encouraging me. For my part, I began to live up to those expectations, changing my story and aspirations along the way. And changing my sense of myself, too. Now I can recognize bi-directional influences at work.
Enough about me. What about you? What can you hear about yourself and your own development of identity in what I’m describing?
Fast forward to now and the questions that may be asked of you or that you might ask yourself. Who are you and what’s your story? It depends, doesn’t it?
In a business context, it could be expressed in your elevator speech – that succinct set of statements that captures you and your possibility. A good example can be found in the Helgesen and Goldsmith book, How Women Rise. It has three sentences: what you do now, what you want to do, and why you are qualified to do it. Rehearsed thoroughly, you are positioned to leverage chance opportunities. Your response is contextualized to the situation and the person you’re talking to.
The leadership coaching work I do with the Ready For Next (RFN) Advisory Group also speaks to these situational, identity, and story aspects. Many of the business owners we work with intend to either sell their business or transition it to family members at some point. To get the best possible valuation, there are typically improvements needed to produce a transition-ready business. In addition to operational upgrades, they include collective leadership development for the emergent leadership team.
An essential coaching conversation with a business owner focuses on life after business. For the next chapter of their life, what matters most to them, what decisions do they need to make, including who do they choose to be, and what’s the story they want to write and tell? Job/title/identity are often fused. Who will I be when I am no longer my job/title? Where will my self-esteem come from? What status will I have in my community? Where will I find meaning, satisfaction, and accomplishment? These and other questions are there to explore and answer if the owner is to powerfully step into their future.
As we take a step back and look ahead, who do we intend to be? What is and will be the core of our identity (at least for oneself)? What will our stories be? Our choices will inform how we show up, the range of available responses and activated reactions. Towards what cares and commitments will we steer? What shall we design and where shall we continue to drift? Ah, the opportunities that come with mindful awareness, self-leadership, and unconditional responsibility. May the adventure continue.
I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments on this. What does this trigger and provoke? What new horizons emerge? Let’s have a conversation.
#selfleadership #designyourlife #identity #stories