The Change Agent in Us All
In the world we inhabit, we are observers and interpreters of it as well as actors and agents in it. Both are happening at the same time.
One interpretation about our world is that the only constant is change. And as the world changes, we need to adapt to navigate well. In addition, there are situations where we are the ones initiating the change. For example, learning a skill, making a career change, and getting married or divorced.
Despite our concerns about moving away from our habits and their sense of familiarity and comfort, we take on being different (even better?) in a different world. Our learning is intended to improve our capacity to cope well, play the games that matter to us, and enjoy life.
The trajectory of our learning and performance takes a J-curve shape, dipping initially as we reorganize before rising to new, higher levels. To get there, we must persist. An elevated 'best self' is not guaranteed. Often we are overwhelmed with the disruptions caused and the inability to rely on old practices, relationships and institutions to see us through. We struggle, seeking a path forward colored with survival and hope. Anxiety and depression are more common now.
How is our attitude? Do we have a positive frame for our sensemaking and change? Can we be awake, alert and generative? Resilient? This is more difficult when we are stressed, yet still can be an aspiration at any moment.
A coaching client, Marsha (not her real name), was challenged and berated by her boss, Gene, someone with a toxic management style. Initially, her coaching requests were focused on how she could positively influence him to be a more emotionally intelligent manager. Soon, though, we had shifted the conversation to how she could be a more balanced and modulated performer, manager and leader, less affected by others’ attitudes and actions. In other words, we were working on her self-leadership and self-management. Questions designed to elicit curiosity and reflection caused her to pause, shift her perspective, and even consider other interpretations as possible and legitimate. Over time, her approach shifted as she interrupted and decoupled the link between stimulus, reaction, and response. She could make choices, based on her intentions of what her best self’s response would be. Gene’s behavior no longer controlled her emotions and behaviors. What a marked shift in her ways of being!
Clearly, Marsha was no longer willing to tolerate the default future she could anticipate if nothing changed. Hoping her manager would (magically) change was a bankrupt and disempowering strategy. Choosing to take charge of what she could control, challenging as it was, was an enlivening option. She could track and measure her progress, even celebrate those small steps forward. She got feedback from colleagues that when she was present, she brought a gentle calm to the workspace, a respite appreciated by all.
It turns out that recently, the owners decided to let Gene go. They too were tired of his toxic, self-serving behavior.
There are other changes afoot and many adjustments for staff to make to reestablish a better climate in the workplace. Marsha is likely to play a greater leadership role and her strong presence may accelerate movement in that direction. As she continues to model emotionally intelligent engagement and enable psychological safety, others can follow suit. Perhaps there is a light at the end of a very long tunnel.
How do you think about change and what is your role to play? What’s your mood about this? What’s your story? Are you bringing your best self? I know you have experiences and perspectives to share. Let’s have a conversation.
#selfleadership #designyourlife #changecatalyst