What You See and What You Get
As a coach I listen for cares and concerns, breakdowns, and blind spots. They guide me to where value and satisfaction can be produced with a client. They are openings for coaching. Each area invites a spotlight where being/thinking/doing something different and better will deliver something better.
Blind spots are areas where we don’t know we don’t know; we are blind to our blindness. As a result, we act like a bull in a china shop. This is a human condition, standard equipment for all of us. There are many areas of blindness that can deflect our intentions and adversely affect our actions. Habits in their many forms (unconscious biases, generalizations and stereotypes, assumptions, expectations, insensitivities) are a primary culprit.
Here are a couple of examples.
Margo, a mid-level manager, is treating her direct reports as if they were her teenage children, bossing them around and making decisions for them. If asked and upon reflection, she would be appalled at the inappropriate assumptions she is making about them and what her behavior is triggering (none of it positive).
Derek, though an excellent individual contributor, doesn’t play well with others in collaborative situations. He tends to be abrasive and me-centered, oblivious to the impression he leaves and the diminished collective performance he influences.
These, and many more situations we are too familiar with, illustrate where our blind spots take us and others – to a less productive, constructive and trustworthy place. We leave a wake of bruised, stressed relationships and reduced inclination to take risks and fully engage with us. However, the downward spiral is not inevitable, if we are willing to speak up and the other person is willing and able to listen. Under these conditions, there are opportunities to be curious, to learn, and to design for better navigation, interaction, and outcomes. Similarly, we can be open to hearing about and exploring our possible blind spots.
Can we ask for a conversation to discuss the situation? The intention is to bring visibility and awareness to a previously unseen (and unsatisfactory) situation, invite reflection, and encourage personal responsibility for one’s actions by making new choices.
While a manager has the positional power to demand it, a lighter touch often is better received and appreciated. For the rest of us (as colleagues and/or as friends), lighter may be our only option. Taking personal responsibility as well can help. That includes making “I”, rather than “you”, statements. Our mood matters too and will contribute to how the other person listens and responds to our opening. Being empathic, rather than impatient or upset, also sets the table.
For the sake of ‘better together’, we are willing to have (or hear) an awkward or uncomfortable conversation. We are willing to be kind (or generous), not nice, and deal with what might get provoked along the way. This is a ‘long game’ move that will take patience, courage, and self-management.
Do you have any of these situations in your life where you are being buffeted by others’ blind spots? How, if at all, are you addressing them? What’s your mood about them? What support are you getting to think things through? What are you practicing that will increase the odds of success? What are you learning, about yourself and others?
Though a tough one, working these issues well can have a profoundly positive impact on the quality of our life and relationships. Please comment and share.
#selfleadership #designyourlife #blindspots