Self-care: A Gift that Keeps on Giving

“Put your own mask on first.”

Until recently, I traveled on business fairly frequently. I heard this advice often on the plane. I haven’t traveled in the past ten months but I still hear that refrain, now in a new context. As true now as before, it’s a life and death practice. Take care of yourself so you’re able to take care of others.

Yesterday I attended the weekly zoom huddle (call) of coaches who are Fellows of the Institute of Coaching at McLean Hospital, an affiliate of Harvard Medical School. Hosted by its Founder, Carol Kaufmann, we have been meeting since last March. Both as a peer support group and a learning community, this group has been a reliable source of social sustenance and professional growth for me during the pandemic.

That session, led by Dr. D. Ivan Young, focused on self-care between coaching sessions that allows for better care of clients. Ivan spent 20 minutes setting context for the what and the why of the conversation, then sent us off into breakout rooms for lively sharing and discussion. When we returned to the main venue, each group did a readout.

I believe that what was shared is relevant for everyone. We all have to take care of ourselves, regardless of our vocation. We must take proactive, self-leadership steps to nurture ourselves, if we are to bring forth our best self in any moment. Here is some of what I heard.

What can we do before an interaction that would help keep us centered and connected?

·      Follow macro-resilience practices, such as those that support proper and sufficient nutrition, hydration, sleep, exercise, stretching, social interaction and stress management.

·      Meditate, following one of several flavors such as release or lovingkindness.

·      Choose not to watch or listen (so much) to the news or other disconcerting sources.

·      Connect to one’s faith, including prayerful expression.

·      Practice supportive rituals, such as washing hands.

·      Self-modulate one’s heart coherence through biofeedback and practice (thanks to Henry Kahn for this).

·      Choose to reduce time pressure, such as not booking meetings back-to-back.

·      Visit nature.

During an interaction, what can we do when we find ourselves off balance and need to recenter?

·      Pause.

·      Take deep, slow breaths.

·      Focus on the space or silence between your outbreath and your inbreath.

·      Shift your physiology, such as rolling your shoulders back to open up your posture.

·      Ask yourself, “Who do I choose to be right now?” (thanks to Carol Kaufmann for this).

·      Be curious.

·      Listen.

·      Choose to ‘stay with the music’ of the interaction.

As you can see, we have lots of moves we can make to bring our best self. Maybe you can create a menu of our choices for easier access, and run experiments to determine which ones work best. Do you have other practices, not listed above, that work for you? Please feel free to comment and even add to the list. While you may not have to worry about luggage shifting during flight, do take care.

#selfleadership #designyourlife #bestself