Blending for Influence
Blending is another way of talking about moving together. A similar term is rapport. It is implied that the two parties are connected in a functional way. It is silent about which party is leading the movement.
Richard Strozzi Heckler writes about blending as a critical action in leadership in his book The Leadership Dojo. It is the point where two people, based on some shared context, influence each other to move together for the sake of a shared future. A new possibility moves towards realization.
What can happen when connection is missing and rapport or blending doesn’t occur in group dynamics? Miscommunication, miscoordination, distrust. Inefficiency. Stress. No sustainable change. None of these likely outcomes is desirable, personally or organizationally.
A couple of examples might illustrate the point.
During a recent coaching conversation with my client Beverly, we were discussing the importance of developing effective working relationship with peers and more senior leaders. The intent, and a measure of progress/success, would be to influence their considerations during decision-making discussions. A chance to elevate the quality of the discussion and thus the quality of the decisions.
She identified two situations where she could grow and improve. In the first, because of a difference in perspective, values or priorities, she would become impatient. When impatient, she withdrew from the discussion. When she did speak up, her judgmental attitude and tone of voice often triggered others’ reactivity, disconnection and withdrawal.
In the second, collective decision-making discussions were sometimes introduced with an unclear agenda. Ensuing discussions seemed to lack sufficient critical thinking and understanding about the problem and its context, thus the quality of a solution was questionable. Often the problem statement was ill-structured and unclear, data wasn’t presented to determine root causes, opinions were offered masquerading as facts, and/or analyses were cursory.
When Beverly made this assessment of insufficiency, she wanted to slow the process and seek greater clarity. For the sake of producing better decisions together, she felt she had to intervene. Engaged and trying to better understand, she tended to ask a barrage of questions, gesture emphatically with her hands, and speak faster and at a higher volume. These ways of behaving were an energetic mismatch with others and they often pulled back. She wasn’t heard the way she intended and decision making quality suffered.
Both situations can be understood in terms of making successful efforts to meet the other person(s) where they are before attempting to lead in a different direction. Influence, not force. It requires perception, intention, connection (some degree of limbic resonance) and flexibility to adjust to how the other person makes sense of their world, what matters most to them and why. There are multiple domains and logic levels that can potentially be chosen and matched. The more domains and levels matched (paced), the greater the connection (blending) and the greater the chance of moving differently together (leading).
Where have you experienced blending with another person? Where has another person led you in a different direction? Where were you in the lead? What becomes available with connection, especially when done with care and respect? How does higher purpose contribute? What responsibility comes with intending to influence?
Please share your experiences and perspectives. Inquiring minds want to know.