"Not My Dog" - A Compelling Story
My colleague Edy Greenblatt and I have had an arrangement for the past few years. We swap coaching (or perhaps coaching supervision is more accurate) on non-client issues every couple of weeks. Each of us has the chance to give and receive the care, deep listening, and conversation that opens up new possibilities.
Several weeks ago, we were having one of those conversations. Edy was talking about her experiences with a program she had enrolled in, one to train and certify her to be a tour guide in Israel. (She currently lives in Tel Aviv.) The program takes ten months to complete and has a lot of content (facts, context) to learn and memorize. This happens through lecture and discussion, reading, and field trips with narratives provided by a tour guide or teacher.
Herself an accomplished consultant, coach, and educator, she knows how to design and deliver strong educational materials, as well as how to address logistics and communications issues with participants. This program was not an exemplary experience of any of that. She found herself upset and complaining to me about this.
I asked her how committed she was to the possible future that included successful completion of the program and state certification. She said “Totally,” with sincerity. So we had a conversation about what might move her forward.
I know that to make behavioral changes that stick, one needs to shift and align one’s mindset, attitude, behavior, and story. I asked her to think about what narrative/story would include elements conducive to and supportive of making the shift and maintaining a positive mood while engaged? After some reflection and discussion, Edy came up with the phrase, “Not my dog!” It immediately delighted her.
The power of any narrative is that it provides context for making sense of the area of interest, whether operating in the background or foreground. It tends to be the ‘glue’ that keeps a perspective coherent and intact. When, and depending on how, the story changes, the perspective shifts and is reframed.
With this new story, Edy immediately felt an emotional distance from the activities she knew she needed to successfully complete. Since it wasn’t her dog, she didn’t have to identify with it or defend it. Further, she imagined how she could use the phrase to shift her mood when she got triggered by an unsatisfying experience. The chant could act as a magic charm, shifting her attention and attitude. Finally, she began to share her phrase with fellow participants. They had a similar, positive response to using it as their talisman, too.
When we next spoke, she shared her scorecard of how this experiment was rolling out and what she was learning. (I may not have remembered this exactly but I do believe I am at least directionally correct. Edy can adjust as appropriate.) She had evoked the phrase more than 20 times, with a positive effect 100% of the time. She shared the phrase more than ten times with fellow participants, with positive affect 100% of the time. She self-managed her focus and completed more than 80% of her intended assignments to her satisfaction. She managed her boundaries well, saying “no” to certain requests and making sure her conditions of satisfaction were able to be met. She learned other lessons – about the power of stories, running experiments, aligning her efforts, and having compassion for herself.
I love seeing Edy designing how best to move forward, then making it happen better and better. And I appreciate the opportunities we have co-created for mutual support. It has made a huge difference in my life, too, for how I approach, track, make progress on, and complete my commitments.
How are you doing on moving forward the things that matter most in your life? Where can you take a step back, then design your practices, align your physical and social environments, and get yourself moving forward with greater grace and ease? I’d love to hear what you’re doing, learning, and impacting.
#designyourlife #selfleadership #powerofstory