The Challenge of Changing
My mentor and friend Bob Dunham observed that “We are what we practice. And we are always practicing something.” To which I silently add, “So be choiceful about what you practice.”
As I sit in my lounge chair with my laptop resting comfortably on my thighs, I nod in agreement. I’ve been sitting here as my primary work spot for quite a while, but especially since March 2020 when the pandemic began to take its toll on lives and habits. I canceled my health club membership four months later and my exercise routine and muscle tone have suffered. Though my commitment to well-being and vitality remains strong, my failure to develop a new, workable routine to replace it challenges that assessment.
While it might be entertaining to further discuss my workout habits and the role of gravity to accelerate my shape towards pear-dom, the broader issue that confronts all of us is how we respond to change. How do we change? Some of us do better, others worse. Beyond our initial reaction to the different circumstances, what do we do? And preceding that, who are we being, and what is our story that shapes what we do?
This remains relevant because I do leadership coaching with owners, executives, and managers. They had to deal with managing change before; that need has expanded and accelerated with the pandemic. So many of the old mindsets, practices and even policies no longer seem to fit current, ever-changing conditions. New ones need to be developed, implemented and embodied. Beyond that, don’t get too attached to the habits that emerge. It’s probable they will (need to) change again (and again).
I had an interesting experience last week that illustrates the point. I delivered a 3+ hour masterclass for managers and executives of companies in the Balkans on the topic of “Leadership Development in Crisis”. I did my best to design it with plenty of opportunities for participant interaction, with each other and with me. I only got a modicum of it. While participants were willing to discuss topics with one another in breakout rooms and summarize their conversations when back in the large group, other opportunities wasted away in silence. I got encouragement from Elena, the sponsor, for more engagement. “They’re shy,” she chatted with me in zoom. “Select individuals to speak up” and other suggestions. I made some mid-course corrections that yielded only modest improvement.
With the masterclass completed, awaiting feedback results, and beginning to prepare for another masterclass in October on “Building an ethical, values-based business”, I shifted perspectives. I wanted to look at what worked/didn’t work and my underlying assumptions. I quickly realized that I had operated with the same (blind and unwarranted) assumption when working closer to home: the same instructional dynamics were in play for this population as if the audience was from North America. Obviously, they weren’t.
To compound my error, I often offered the encouragement that “this was a safe space to speak up.” Wishful thinking on my part. Knowing nothing about them or their companies’ cultures and very little about their countries, I was ill-equipped to speak for the psychological safety I so wanted for them. I can now imagine (still assumptive) that the centuries of strife between different Balkans regions have created a certain wariness to speaking out and sharing one’s point of view. I shall check that with Elena.
One of my fresh learnings is my blindness to the participants, their background and context, and what could work better for them. From discussion with a friend and former client over breakfast, I could imagine that telling stories, especially ones that revealed my vulnerability, would be a constructive step to take. And asking the audience to take small steps that contributed but not assuming too much generous listening on others’ parts would also add to the interactive mix. I shall build that into next month’s masterclass design.
The smaller issue I confront is my sometimes cultural insensitivity and lack of intelligence, blithely assuming that others are ‘like me’. Whether in a conversation or the classroom, that misstep can bruise newly forming relationships, shaking rapport and lengthening the time to build trust.
The larger issue is recognizing and dealing with change, attuning ourselves to adjust to new circumstances. In the above story, I missed the implication that my global reach had a bearing on who I was with and what it would take to connect with them respectfully. In preparation, only by slowing down and thinking through the new situation would I be likely to recognize what I would need to design and do differently to meet them relevantly.
Where does that show up for you? What consequences does it produce? What are you learning and what adjustments are you making? I’d love to know and learn from your journey. Please share your comments.
#selfleadership #designyourlife #unintendedconsequences