Running Experiments – Focusing on What Matters More
In our last coaching conversation, one of my clients shared her recent experiences and noticeable improvements – two wins in a short time period.
Drew (not her real name) is focusing on improving her working relationships with peers and those above her. She recognizes that growing her ability to connect with, relate, respond, and adapt to others, and resolve challenging interpersonal interactions is essential to doing good work, building trust, and influencing others’ performance.
Her manager had received complaints from Hong, one of his peers from China, about how Drew had handled complaints about working together. When the issue was raised, Drew said she would look into it. She had several conversations with Hong to better understand what the complaints were based on. Further, she was responsive to my suggestion to read a book about business relationships and communications (Business Leadership in China by Frank Gallo), intending to gain perspective and insights about how her Chinese colleagues might think, believe and act.
She again reached out to Hong to discuss how to improve working together, then prepared for that interaction. When they talked, she ran an experiment, trying out new behaviors rather than her usual ones. She was curious and asked open-ended questions. She didn’t jump to conclusions, nor was she accusatory in word or tone. She didn’t offer advice (though she had it on the tip of her tongue); she asked questions to foster reflection and additional interpretations. She listened for Hong’s commitment and care. The discussion seemed to lead to new perspectives and a deeper connection between the women. They developed a path forward and a new approach to understanding and dealing with their subordinates’ complaints.
In the ensuing weeks, there were several examples of how this new approach, modeled by the managers and practiced newly by their people, shifted the emotional tone and interpersonal dynamics of interactions between members of the two groups. This was a significant improvement in collaborating, a source of satisfaction to both senior managers. Win 1.
Drew, recognizing the better trajectory, wanted to leverage and broaden her learning and its impact. A situation arose where Nancy, one of her account execs, interacted with a colleague in a way that also produced a reaction and a complaint. Drew had a coaching conversation with her to explore what happened and what contributed to the meltdown.
Nancy said she had used Drew’s approach and very words when having the questionable conversation. However, upon closer examination, that turned out not to be accurate. Her words were different and more judgmental, and her tone was strident and aggressive. She had contributed to the breakdown, though she hadn’t recognized it at the time. Coaching rather than problem solving or giving advice was a new muscle that Drew was developing. Again, an experiment to run. Curiosity, nonjudgment and open-ended questions led to insights and a range of different choices for what experiments could be run in the future. It even led to Nancy reaching out spontaneously and apologizing to her counterpart, an act of sincere contrition that was deeply appreciated. Win 2.
Taking a step back, what can we learn from what happened?
From my point of view, Drew made real efforts to expand her ways of thinking and behaving. She committed to better navigation, rather than remaining attached to using her old map. She was willing to experiment, manage what mattered, and take on the risks and rewards at her learning edges. This meant mindfully trying a coherent set of new behaviors for the sake of what she might learn along the way, not the immediate results. A choice for long game effectiveness rather than short game efficiency. Framework, approach, language, tone, mood, interpretation, and acceptance of another’s point of view; all were opportunities for different and better.
Choosing personal and professional development takes courage, persistence, and ambition. At best and while in process, it often is uncomfortable; at worst, painful and disruptive too. Our performance suffers until we can create a new groove, achieved only with mindful practice. It challenges our habits and familiar patterns. We encourage ourselves not to tolerate a modest ‘best self’. We consider what better might be and then pursue that path. As described by the late James Carse in Finite and Infinite Games, this is one of the infinite games – lifelong learning. With plenty of opportunities along the way for finite game play with chances to ‘win’ or ‘lose’ but always to learn.
What are some recent wins (or losses) you’ve experienced? What did you contribute to produce that result? What are you learning about learning along the way? What is the new observer and actor that you are becoming? How does that change your story about yourself and what’s possible?
This is such an important journey for each of us to be on. Can you thoughtfully mine the riches here? Are you willing to share what you’re noticing? Let’s have a conversation that can enrich everyone through our comments. Come on…
#selfleadership #designyourlife #infinitegame #learningjourney